Thursday, June 9, 2011

Thinking Out Loud

Someone said to me that blogging is thinking out loud. So I guess that means sharing thoughts while they're still coming together. I am in the middle of an experience I don't fully understand yet. The last year has been so full of stress and pressure as our business has struggled in this economy. As I have shared in past blogs, I've had to learn how to handle collection calls which is a totally new experience for me. I've learned to be thankful when dinner is cereal. I've had to learn to be a receiver instead of a giver. But in the midst of it all, I've never been closer to the Lord, and I've found peace in the eye of the storm...until now. What changed? Well, I went away for the weekend to a house on the beach with my ministry team which just happens to be five of my very best friends. It was so much fun "just being girls"! We laughed ourselves silly, we shared our hearts, we had uninterrupted quiet time with the Lord for three hours, we prayed together, and we just loved each other as only girlfriends can.
Then came Monday morning and a return to the real world. Now, it seems to me this time away should have renewed, refreshed and restored me. I should have been strengthened to face the challenges. Instead, every little thing seemed bigger than before and I felt almost hopeless and helpless in the face of the challenges. Instead of being away making me stronger, it seemed to make me weaker. I feel like I left my heart at the beach house. I want to be THERE, not HERE. I want to laugh and play and not think about unpaid bills and what the future holds.
I hope you aren't looking for me to have found the answer to share because I'm still seeking the Lord about it. But if you have any comments, I would love to read them. In the meantime, I'll rest in the knowledge that God is still on the throne, He loves me, and "all my days were written in a book before one of them ever came to pass" (Psalm 139:16).